Living with a narcissist will eventually lead to mental exhaustion, severe depression, anxiety, and other psychological conditions.. All this begins with feeling sad. Day in and day out sadness that does not go away turns to depression, anxiety, and mental exhaustion. Why? Because we have become mentally and emotionally overwhelmed, and have lost the ability to cope. The slightest tasks may be overwhelming, to the point that we may be thinking of all that we need to do and then just flop down in exhaustion, not even starting any of those tasks.
Two other things that you will notice are:
1. You will eat too much, you will not eat enough, or you will not eat at all. And, these are because of your mental and emotional state.
2. You will sleep too much, experience disrupted sleep, or not sleep at all............ Again, because of your mental and emotional state.
When you first meet the narcissist, you think this is the best thing that has ever happened to you. But, as time goes on, with everything you go through, the gaslighting, the projection, the shaming, triangulation, the narcissistic rages, and on and on............. You, little by little are worn down and ever so subtly, who you are, your personality, is being chipped away little by little, until you are left a shell of your former self.
The thing is, that all of the above, the sadness, depression, anxiety, not eating correctly, not getting proper sleep............ It all leads to inflammation in the body. Inflammation that won't go away no matter what you do, because every single day you have a barrage of negative input coming at you and this becomes a no win situation. Eventually, this leads to physical disease and even death. You see, a narcissist doesn't need to physically hurt you to kill you. He accomplishes this by simply chipping at you, bit by bit, and harming you psychologically.
When one of my clients complains of depression, anxiety, mental fatigue, or even aches and pains, my first question always is............ Are you happy? Yes or no? Because that's where it's at. If you are happy, you will not become susceptible to any of these conditions, because you are experiencing wellbeing. But, when you are not happy, when each day is a struggle, when you can't see that light at the end of the tunnel.............. Well, that's when disease sets in. Sadness equals inflammation, then disease, and then death.
What can we do to break this cycle?
Well, first thing............. love yourself. Stop breaking your neck to please someone else, who will never give you validation. Whether you're with the narcissist or not, focus on yourself. Nurture yourself. Make things easy, or as easy as possible for yourself. In other words, cut yourself some slack. Actually, my motto is.......... Keep it simple.
You may ask......... Why am I doing this? I'll tell you: Because you have no self-esteem left and you may be totally dependent on the narcissist. You may be afraid to make your own decisions. And this may be because you have been so devalued, that you are not sure if you will make the right decision, no matter how simple. Or....... That the narcissist will tear you down, make fun of you, shame you, or whatever else, with regard to that decision.
You may feel unworthy. Instead of having that "I am not worthy" phrase going through your head all the time, get up every morning and emphatically say the words........... I AM WORTHY! Or, every time that I am not worthy feeling slips in, just switch it to I AM worthy.
If you are living with the narcissist, instead of being a part of the drama, educate yourself about narcissism, step back and observe all of his/her actions. And, just by doing this, you step out of the drama and become, just that, an observer.
Have a trusted friend or family member that you can talk to. It's important to get what you're feeling out. It's important to feel your emotions, to cry, to express anger (in a constructive way).
If you are not going through therapy, find a therapist or life coach that specializes in narcissistic abuse. A regular therapist does not have a clue, and although meaning well, they may actually cause more harm.
Start appreciating every day, even the little things, even the tiniest of things. Focus on the good things, not negative or experiences.
By doing all this, you slowly change your vibration from negative to positive, and you get stronger and stronger.
Assert your right as an individual, and this is mostly for yourself, because what you believe and feel is what changes your life. What other people think of you does not matter. Don't rely on their validation to define yourself. Because, they have their own baggage and their own agenda.
You may be thinking............ But if I do all these things, he/she may leave? Actually, that would be your very best option. It would give you a chance to rebuild your life in a healthy way. And another way to look at it is............ You may feel strong and confident enough to leave. But, be aware that whether he/she leaves you or you are the one to leave, you will probably be left with no money. The best thing to do is to cut your losses and just move on to a better and happier life.
These simple changes in attitude is the beginning to healing, to making yourself stronger. Strong enough, that you one day you might say to yourself. "Why am I allowing this treatment?. I don't deserve this." Those are the very words that made me strong enough to leave. Of course, I didn't leave right away. I carefully planned it to be somewhere where I would be safe, happy, and would be able to live a healthy life. In anything, never run away. That does not work. Planning carefully is essential. Go to something, a new life.
But, it all begins within. Nobody can fix the narcissist, nobody can fix anybody else. But people are available to support, and maybe guide you in your journey. But, the truth is, we can only fix ourselves.
With all that I went through in the narcissistic relationship I was in, I once had someone tell me how resilient I was. And I thought....... Huh? But then, in my research I read that victims of narcissistic abuse are the most resilient people the author had met, both men and women. So, it must be true. We ARE resilient.
Lastly, what is the secret to creating a better life? Our thoughts, our words, and our actions.
If you need someone to talk to, please know that I am here. Just leave me a comment or send me an email.
I am going to leave you with these final words........... Be GOOD to YOU.
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