The only way you can make sure you never get involved with a narcissist again is to set boundaries. Keep in mind, there are 1 in 4 people that are narcissists in the United States and, chances are, you will meet and be drawn to another narcissist. Remember, you and narcissists are like magnets. You may be co-dependent or an empath and that is the strong attraction. Narcissists are drawn to people like you, especially if you have not healed. The last thing you need is to be drawn into another narcissistic relationship.
First of all, after leaving a narcissist, you need time to heal. You have serious emotional and mental wounds that must be given time to heal. Just jumping into another relationship could lead to another disaster, which you do not need.
Why are boundaries so important?
Even if you have educated yourself on narcissistic traits and know all the signs, that is not enough. And this is because they are very smooth. They will study you, mirror you, and tell you exactly what you want to hear. They are very good at sizing up people. The only way that you can absolutely recognize them is when they have crossed a boundary. Set those boundaries and be certain that when a boundary is crossed, just once, that's your signal to get up and leave. Now, be certain that a narcissist WILL cross boundaries. They always do. They do this to see what you will allow and what you will not allow. During the beginning phase of the relationship, the narcissist in studying you. That adoring look that they hold for so long is actually studying you. Not adoring you. Realize that that's what is called a Narcissistic Stare. It is important to be aware of these subtle signs.
Other signs to look out for: When they smile, do their eyes also smile? A narcissist's eyes will not smile. Now, there are other reasons why eyes don't smile. For example, if a person is sad or depressed, their eyes will not smile, and with a keen eye, you can tell which is which. But be aware of the body language, what the person you have just met is doing at all times.
Another sign is if that they may be touchy-feely on the first date, or even soon after,. How does that touch make you feel? Do you feel uncomfortable? If you do, he has just crossed a boundary. It is okay, to tell him that you are uncomfortable and, if he doesn't back off, he's crossing a boundary.
These boundaries must be intentionally set because, otherwise, you may just "let it go," Never "let go" of something you are uncomfortable with. Again, during this "affectionate" period, the narcissist is just studying you to see how pliable you are. IT IS NOT AFFECTION! Remember, narcissists sociopaths and psychopaths are not called "Body Snatchers" and "Energy Vampires" for no reason. Narcissists cannot feel love or empathy because of the abnormality in their brains, and it is important to know this.
Actually, anything that feels uncomfortable or unwanted is crossing a boundary. Pay attention to your feelings. Your body will tell you the truth. Your gut knows. Have deal breakers. Figure out what you consider a boundary and deal breaker to be. A boundary can be negotiated. Say, the narcissist puts his arm around you and you tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he backs off and respects that boundary, it's okay. But, if not, you know it's not okay. A deal breaker is something different. That is something that you will not tolerate. For example, a complete deal breaker would be if he goes into your purse for whatever reason. Keep in mind, after he goes into your purse, he will go into your home, your bank account, important records, and it will never stop. Something like that would be a signal to get up and leave immediately. And, for this reason, with any first date, you should always meet somewhere with your own separate cars. That way, if you must leave, you won't be dependent on the narcissist to take you home.
In anything, pay attention to your feelings. They will never lead you astray. It is when you ignore those feelings that you will be led astray. Maybe not that night, the next day, the next week but, eventually you will be led to the deepest depths of hell.
Actually, even with your day-to-day life. If you don't feel like doing something, then don't do it. Learn to not be imposed on and to also draw boundaries in yourday-to-day life.
And, okay............... This is the end of this post. If you have any other examples of crossing boundaries, please leave them in the comments.
And remember.................. Always be GOOD to YOU>
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