The narcissistic parent has no respect for his/her children and their boundaries. The children are nothing but pawns to be controlled. However, this control does not end when the child becomes an adult. It continues through life until the narcissist passes or the child says............ Enough.
When you have a narcissistic parent, from the minute you're born, you have already experienced your first setback in life. Even as a baby, you don't get the love and attention you deserve. You are not loved, you are ignored, and may even ignite the narcissist's wrath. When a baby does not live in a loving and happy environment, it becomes damaged. Already, the psychological injury is taking its toll. The hippocampus, which is in the limbic system of the brain, does not develop properly, and this is the region of the brain which is responsible for memory, learning and stress responses. It also affects the amygdala, which is responsible for emotional reactions. So, by the time that baby reaches childhood, already, its reality is not the same as it is for other children. The child now lives in the narcissist's alternate reality.
Narcissists are unable to love and, unfortunately, this is also true with regard to their own children. So, the child of a narcissist has trouble navigating childhood, going through school and socializing with their peers. During adulthood, they may think that the hard part is over and that their world is now in their own hands but, not so. The narcissist is right behind them, still exercising their control, manipulation and wrath on their adult child. And if the narcissist should pass on, the child has those ghosts of the past subtly speaking to them subconsciously. Not to mention, the relationship choices the adult child will make throughout life.
When a narcissist uses his methods to devalue adults, they become "broken" and lose their identity. How can a child withstand this manipulation and punishment? Simply put, he can't. Such methods as gaslighting, narcissistic rages, projection, shaming, and worst of all, the silent treatment, breaks the child's spirit. All these methods are cruel and unjust ways to treat a child, but the silent treatment is worst of all. The silent treatment inflicts pain without physical bruising. The silent treatment activates the brain stem, the thalamus and the cerebral cortex. These are the three parts of the brain through which pain is felt. Furthermore, a recipient of the silent treatment feels powerless, intimidated, guilty, and insignificant, And, both gaslighting and the silent treatment are methods used in interrogating POW's. It is not only devastating for an adult, but so much more for a child that has no emotional defenses.
So, by the time the child is an adult and leaves the nest, the child has been abused and ignored through his entire life. So, what is going to happen is that the child will go out into the world with a psychological disorder. He/She may even be developing their own narcissistic attributes as a defense mechanism against the world.
Needless to say, when it is time to choose a partner, the child will unknowingly fall into an unhealthy relationship, choosing a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath to go through life with. And, taking into consideration their childhood experience, he may think that this type of relationship is normal. The child that has become a narcissist, on the other hand, will choose his own victim, who may have very likely had a narcissistic parent, and the abusive circle continues.
This reminds me of something that my mother said during her last years of life, which actually surprised me. "You never stood a chance."
Do we, victims of narcissism stand a chance? Yes we do. We are very resilient. I have been told that personally and, on doing my research, I came across an author who said that victims of narcissistic abuse are the most resilient people that he has ever met. Of course, healing must take place and this will take time. But each day we will become more confident and more comfortable in our own bodies.. More importantly, we will learn how to love and nurture ourselves, something we never learned to do.
When a narcissist uses his methods to devalue adults, they become "broken" and lose their identity. How can a child withstand this manipulation and punishment? Simply put, he can't. Such methods as gaslighting, narcissistic rages, projection, shaming, and worst of all, the silent treatment, breaks the child's spirit. All these methods are cruel and unjust ways to treat a child, but the silent treatment is worst of all. The silent treatment inflicts pain without physical bruising. The silent treatment activates the brain stem, the thalamus and the cerebral cortex. These are the three parts of the brain through which pain is felt. Furthermore, a recipient of the silent treatment feels powerless, intimidated, guilty, and insignificant, And, both gaslighting and the silent treatment are methods used in interrogating POW's. It is not only devastating for an adult, but so much more for a child that has no emotional defenses.
So, by the time the child is an adult and leaves the nest, the child has been abused and ignored through his entire life. So, what is going to happen is that the child will go out into the world with a psychological disorder. He/She may even be developing their own narcissistic attributes as a defense mechanism against the world.
Needless to say, when it is time to choose a partner, the child will unknowingly fall into an unhealthy relationship, choosing a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath to go through life with. And, taking into consideration their childhood experience, he may think that this type of relationship is normal. The child that has become a narcissist, on the other hand, will choose his own victim, who may have very likely had a narcissistic parent, and the abusive circle continues.
This reminds me of something that my mother said during her last years of life, which actually surprised me. "You never stood a chance."
Do we, victims of narcissism stand a chance? Yes we do. We are very resilient. I have been told that personally and, on doing my research, I came across an author who said that victims of narcissistic abuse are the most resilient people that he has ever met. Of course, healing must take place and this will take time. But each day we will become more confident and more comfortable in our own bodies.. More importantly, we will learn how to love and nurture ourselves, something we never learned to do.
But, in a way, my mother was right. It seems as though we don't stand a chance, taking into consideration the psychological and maybe physical abuse we have endured. But now we know, and healing can take place. Life can begin to blossom into a beautiful experience,. It wasn't our fault after all! We were not bad children and we are not bad adults! What a concept! These were lies told to us by the people who were supposed to love and protect us.
This is the beginning of healing. We do not have to live our lives as insignificant and unworthy people, Because, WE ARE WORTHY.
And, of course, I can't forget this reminder ............. Be GOOD to YOU.
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