Leaving a Narcissist

Ho boy.  This is a tough one.  It is not easy to leave a narcissist.

By the time you can't take anymore and you are ready to leave a narcissist, you are spent,.  Where you were happy, vibrant, balanced, and emotionally stable when you entered the relationship, you are now a shell of your former self.  And this is because you have gone through years (maybe decades) of emotional abuse.  Now, I want to emphatically state that if you are going through physical abuse...............  LEAVE.  Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths who are violent can very well kill you.  Even if you have to go to a shelter.  Staying can very well mean the loss of your life.

But, back to what I was saying...........  They don't call narcissists body snatchers and energy vampires for no reason.  They literally live off your energy and after years with them, you are depleted and confused because of all the mind altering methods they use to control you.

So........... when you are ready to leave, make a plan.  Have all your little ducks in a row.  Go somewhere safe, where there's peace and quiet and GOOD ENERGY.  The energy you're living under is completely toxic,.  Maybe move in with a friend, or family.  But make sure the friend or family member is supportive.  Now, it may be necessary to do this because it is completely possible that the narcissist has taken and/or used all your money.  They have the mindset................  What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine.  You might be getting  an allowance, but certainly not enough to live on.   So, chances are, you don't have the resources to leave and, if you have children, this complicates matters.  So, take your time and work out a viable plan.

Now it's time to tell the narcissist you are leaving, or you can slip out the back, Jack...........  as the song says.  When you tell the narcissist you are leaving, your plan must be in place and you must be ready to walk out right then and there.  This is important because if you don't, the narcissist will sweet talk you into staying.  They will change their ways, they will be more considerate, blah blah.  Whatever you tell him what the problem is, he will promise that he will change, and he may seem very sincere and even loving.  This is a trap.  This is called love bombing.  Once you settle back in, the emotional roller coaster will continue.  You might have a day, a week, maybe two weeks where everything is okay but, then, when you've settled in again, the abuse will continue.  And this is because he's not done with you yet.  He can still get supply from you.  He does not mean a word he says.  And this is because a narcissist does not love you.  He NEEDS you.  He needs your energy.   If you don't fall for the snow job he's giving you, then you will see that his attitude changes.  You may very well witness a narcissistic rage, yet again.  Now, it's important not to react, because you already know what they do to control you.  They will use guilt, shame, they will say any issues in the relationship are your fault.  No matter what hurtful and demeaning things the narcissist may say, stay calm.  This is what all narcissists do.  So, just observe.  Don't react, because this is what he wants you to do.  By reacting you give him more supply.  Just stay calm and leave.

Okay, you've left the narcissist.  It is better if you go to a place that he's not familiar with at all.  It's best to disappear.  And, No Contact is the best option.  Because if they know where you are, he will start love bombing you, promising all sorts of things, and they are so smooth and good at it, that you may very well go back.  Think of what you've been through.  It is not going to change.  But, be aware that he will start a smear campaign on you, the likes of which you have never seen before.  He will smear your character outside in and inside out.  This may be very hurtful and may very well make you angry,  even making you wanting to get even.  However, DO NOTHING.  And I'm sorry, but this is one of the times when you'll find out who your real friends are.  And, you will never win.  The reason you will never win, is because the narcissist is too good and before you find out that he's trashing you and your character, he will have already started your smear campaign with everyone he and you know.  And they will believe him.  So, if you come along and try to right wrongs and tell everyone the real story, they will not believe you.  In fact, you will most likely, in some way, reinforce what the narcissist has said about you, leaving you frustrated, angry and hurt.

Going to the narcissist and reasoning with him also does not work.  Because they have no empathy.  And this is what they do.  Arguing with the narcissist, also does not work.  By doing any or all of these things, you are giving supply to the narcissist and providing him with the drama he needs.  Narcissists LOVE drama.  So, don't play the game.  By the way, revenge will not work either.  You cannot win in this situation either and, actually, it's not real good for your karma.  Just go live your life and go forward.  And, actually, this is the best revenge for the narcissist, because you are not playing his game.  You are not fueling him with any of your supply.  And this drives them crazy.  So, doing nothing is your best alternative.

Lastly, the people that he he uses to smear you and who may actually also do his bidding, are called flying monkeys.  And this is taken from the Wizard of Oz, from the witch who had all the flying monkeys do her bidding.  If you spot a flying monkey, stay away from them, because they believe the narcissist.  Remember, narcissists are very good at playing the victim card.  And, besides, you have been a victim long enough.  Don't put yourself in another situation where you will end up the victim again.  Narcissists will chew you up and spit you out without giving it a second thought.

Okay, my dears, my next blog will be about...............  Are you dealing with a narcissist, a sociopath, or a psychopath?

Be well and................ Be GOOD to yourself.